what is wrong with me?
by shellby white
Summary: !LEGACY SPOILERS! A one-shot of Fitz post breakup.


LEGACY SPOILERS! Reader be warned. All characters belong to Shannon Messenger.

00

This story takes place after Fitz and Sophie *ahem* have a talk at Havensfield.

It only took a second to leap home, but to Fitz it felt like a lifetime to reappear in front of the gates to his home, glowing peacefully in the moonlight. His breath caught in his throat and he stumbled to the ground, falling to his knees and running a weary hand through his hair.

His eyes stung with unshed tears. _I can't cry, not here, not ever. No reason to worry._ But as he trembled in the dark, he couldn't help the tears from bubbling over, and a sob from tearing out of his throat.

Sophie didn't need him anymore. She couldn't be matched and resigned herself to that fact. That she'd never be with him. She'd shut him out. Of course, it hadn't helped that he'd tried to push her, to try and convince her of other ways to get on his matchlist. It only caused her to pull away even more.

The whole evening, pacing at Havensfield, he'd thought and planned about what to say. To reassure her that everything would be alright. Nothing could've prepared him for what she'd ended up telling him. And once again, his emotions got the best of him and he'd ended up losing his temper at her, shouting things he didn't mean. He'd yelled. She cried. They'd both left each other without even saying 'goodbye'.

_Why did I have to be so damn obsessed with getting her to be my match?_

_Why did I have to start pressuring her?_

His head swirled with questions, but his mind seemed to have the answer already spelled. It's your fault. Now, as he sat in the dirt in front of Everglen's gates, his emotions spiraling out of control, his heart burned heavily in his chest, leaving an ache stronger than any pain he could've imagined.

With a creak, the gates in front of him began to open slowly, and a face appeared between the golden bars. "Fitz? Is the panel not the working?"

It was Della, probably having been informed of his arrival and confused as to why he hadn't come inside. She shimmered in and out of sight slowly approaching Fitz, who tried to rub away another round of tears. "Where's Grizel? Did something-?" She cut herself off, only now noticing Fitz's streaked face. Her voice softened. "What's wrong?" Fitz hadn't cried since he was a kid, and even then, he had been much less sensitive than Alvar and Biana. "Is someone in danger?"

Fitz thought about telling her the truth, of just spilling the whole story right then and there, but the words got stuck, and his throat tightened up. He could barely breathe, and the thought of talking about...her...was suffocating. "No..I... I just.." He shook his head and buried it into his cloak, curling up into himself.

_Why do I have to always mess things up?_

Della put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed soothingly, still oblivious to the source of his pain, but willing to give comfort nonetheless. "Come inside, you'll feel better after eating. The gnomes made soup this evening." She tugged at his cloak, urging him to stand.

Fitz did so halfheartedly, and he just shook his head again, voice shaking as he managed out, "No, I think I'll just... I'll just go to my room. I need to be alone." Della opened her mouth to argue, to remind Fitz he needed to keep his strength up, but the splotchy patches drying on her son's face kept her silent. She walked him inside, gently squeezing his hand, until they got to Fitz's room

"I'm here if you need me."

"I know." Fitz replied without hesitation, but still keeping his eyes trained towards the marble floors. Slowly, smiling sadly at his mother, he shut the door. He hoped she couldn't hear the soft thump as he slid to the floor, leaning his head against the door and blinking back the tears that had come back at full force. _What is wrong with me?_

00

Keefe: displays a negative coping mechanism

The fandom: "awww, baby boy, he's kind of an idiot but I still love him sm!"

Fitz: displays a different negative coping mechanism

The fandom: "I HATE FITZ" *barf emoji*


End file.
